I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
