We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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