This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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