Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
