Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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