My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
