This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
