drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
