i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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