two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
