A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
