just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
