she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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