I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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