Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
