when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
