Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"