im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?