i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.