I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.