real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My cat gives me a boner
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space