dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
