i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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