ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
