Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
