Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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