the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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