Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize