Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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