Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
