Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
