how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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