apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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