It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
