mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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