id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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