My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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