the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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