Michael Bay diarrhea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
