im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
