If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
