yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
