I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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