Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
