I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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