but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
