giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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