The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
