i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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