I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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