Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
