Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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