Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
