I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
