perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
