I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
