in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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