good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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