...so i touched it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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