chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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