Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
