Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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