I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
