So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
