There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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