just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
