we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
