in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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