the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
